Whether you have been in a relationship for 20 years or 20 days, celebrating your relationship is one way to unleash the power within your relationship and add gallons of enjoyment to your life. When you notice other couples who you admire and would like to have what they have, what do you notice? Do you see a couple who are comfortable with themselves and each other or do you see a couple at odds? Are they happy and at ease in each other’s company or is their energy kind of jangly? I will go out on a limb here and say. I bet they have discovered the importance of celebrating (and evolving) their relationship.
For years now, men have been told that all they need to do is to express their deepest emotions and everything in their intimate relationship from the dating website will be perfect. However, men seem to have not fully bought into this idea. They are either too into their cars. Their sports or their friends to just stop and reveal when they are feeling sad, scared, angry, joyful, or creative. Or the fear of opening up is just too much for them. So the typical relationship dance of being very happy one moment and then all of a sudden being at odds with each other continues like winter follows fall.
While expressing emotions remains a good idea. What else is there that men (both partners really) can do to strengthen their intimate relationship and have fun at the same time? The answer is learning to celebrate your intimate relationship on a regular basis. Here are three great ways to become a celebration expert when it comes to intimate relationships:
Cultivate what is called “a beginner’s mind” to keep your relationship fresh. This mindset is essential to keeping the pathways of exploration and excitement open. Look and listen every day and notice what it is about your partner that you truly appreciate — and then express it! All that’s required is honesty. No tricks, no lies, no “I’m telling you this so we can have sex later” mind chatter. Do you adore your partner’s eyes or hands or any other physical feature? Make a note of various emotional displays, like how passionate they are about learning or how they make the children feel loved or safe.
Notice when they say something really interesting or intelligent or when they solve a puzzle or come up with a good idea. These are all areas from which appreciations can be gleaned. And don’t be afraid to repeat yourself every once in a while. Once you reach 5 appreciations each morning and before bed. At night you will know what it means to be an appreciation expert.
Become a master of remembering various days in your relationship. These might be important dates like anniversaries. Which are a must, and they can also be dates like the day she went to the doctor to find out she was pregnant with her first child. What about the day that you witnessed that amazing sunset on the beach in that far away location. You can use a tool to help you remember like making notes in a computer calendar program or in a spreadsheet. Once you have accumulated 25 or so you can create a special 8 x 11 printout and mount it in a frame as a special memento. These are special keepsakes that you can enjoy over and over again.
Be your partner’s biggest fan! Studies have shown that by being the person who can see the best in your partner, and being supportive and eliciting their best, you can be the most powerful influence in your partner’s life. This aspect of the relationship has been called “The Michelangelo Phenomenon”. Through celebrating your partner you are in effect assisting the emergence of their highest and best self. This emergence is similar to how Michelangelo describes the emergence of the inner beauty that was being held within the stone just waiting to be set free. Set aside time each month to hear what it is your partner dreams of becoming, what skills they are looking to develop, and what short-term goals they are setting out for themselves.
Then as you see various actions or activities that support these dreams, skills, or goals. Be the one who reinforces each step along the way. Get in the habit of asking the question “How can I be a supportive loving partner to you today?” Be careful not to promote what you believe they should become. Only your partner can know what is best for them. Turns out the “biggest fan” ends up being loved even more than they could ever have imagined.
Celebrating your intimate relationship is a great way to increase connection and harmony. You both grow individually and as a couple as you focus on what is bringing you joy. Finally, if for no other reason, celebrating your intimate relationship is fun! And we can all use more fun in our lives.
Enrich your life today through exploring more celebratory ideas with us at developing future com/events/current-events/celebrate/. Bob Tomes is a relationship coach and trainer specializing in creating awareness around building authentic, conscious, and evolving relationships from LetmeDate.com. In addition to being a Certified Conscious Living and Loving Coach through the world-renowned Hendricks Institute as well as a Certified Soulful Coach, Bob is a passionate, integrity-rich communicator who combines his 30 years of executive management, leadership. And relationship skills to bring awareness and possibilities to individuals and couples.
Bob, along with his wife, Jane Warren, are passionate about unleashing the power of relationships to accelerate the evolution of human culture. They are delving into what it means to have an (R) Evolutionary Relationship through living and exploring the impacts and possibilities in all facets of the relationship. To find out more about (R) Evolutionary Relationships visit us on Facebook at (R) Evolutionary-Relationships-by-Developing-Futures.